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Flames Of War

The Ten Commandments of Flames of War

During the last few weeks a thread appeared on the forum that has given me, and I imagine many of you, much amusement so I thought I would pick the best of the suggestions and share them with you today. Well done to GUNNM for starting the ball rolling and aside from the slightly biblical tone this is meant as just some harmless, if not a little too close to the truth, fun.

1: Thou shall enjoy the game and behave as a gentleman to you opponent so that he/she will enjoy it as well.

2: Thou shall not be cheap and be a gentlemen, ask your opponent if he intentionally intended to not make a stormtrooper move before starting your turn.

3: Thou shalt not curse when the Russian player places his/her 30+ stands for just one of his platoons after you place your 5 stand platoon.

4: Thou shalt play FoW with some degree of enthusiasm.

5: Although they displease you, thou shall not throw thy dice across the room.

6: Thou shalt not laugh at they opponent when your HMG platoon has mowed down an enemy platoon moving in the open AND doing double time.

7: One should remember what those terrain pieces are meant to be on the table.

8: Thou shall consult thine opponent about what the Terrain does before thou offers a dice to the God of Luck!

9: Thou shall restrict victory dances to less than ten minutes.

10: Thou shalt not make the 'L' sign on your forehead and chant 'lo-ser, lo-ser' unless into a mirror.

11: Thou shall remember, at all times, that this is just a game and that you are playing with toy soldiers.

12: Thou shall re-roll all cocked die not just the low ones.

13: Thou shall not look at the result of the dice that rolled off the table as verily it will be the six you were needing.

14: Thou shalt use painted models.

15: Thou shall paint thy models, or pay backslide to paint them

16: Thou shall disclose who painted thy toy soldiers when at tourney.

17: Thou shalt not paint eyes on thy models, because it is just ludicrous.

18: Thou shall buy far more FoW models than one could ever be able to physically paint in a life time.

19: When committing to an attack, do so fully and with no regret.

20: Do to your opponent what he will do to you, but make sure to do it first.

21: Big guns are your friend, unless they are placed on the wrong side of the table.

22: Thou shalt mark thy flamethrower stands, so thou does not accidentally remove them because thou thought they were a rifle team

23: Thou shalt not forget that your soldiers have national characteristics, especially such useful things as Stormtrooper.

24: Thou shall remember thy friggin rulebook.

25: Thou shall not forget thy objectives.

26: Thou shall not use UCs as tank destroyer’s even if they have PIAT.

27: Thou shall not forget Soviet FCs don't do small companies

28: Thou shall not forget to roll for Reserves.

29: Thou shalt honor thy favorite tank.

30: Thou shalt make a "vroom vroom" noise when moving large vehicles (tiger, IS-2, etc...) around the board.

31: Thou shalt not 'spike' your opponents Crocodile/Tiger/IS2/76mm Sherman when it is defeated by your 'last man standing' recon platoon.

32: Thou shalt not proxy a Tiger II with a L6, Stuart, Pz II or kubelwagon   

33: Thou shalt not slow play thine opponent, especially in Breakthrough and Fighting Withdrawal.

34: Thou shalt not allow thine opponent to suffer because he's a noob and doesn't know all the rules.

35: Thou shalt not play on lame 40k terrain.

36: Thou shalt not curse when being assigned to a snow board.

37: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors models.

38: Thou shalt not say, "If something happens to you, can I have those?"

39: Thou shalt not kill only the easy targets.

40: Thou shalt not be a wanker and cry cheese every time an opponent deploys a model.

41: Thou shalt not play to a draw.

42: Thou shalt not take Brumbars and Hummels just because thou art afraid to make firepower rolls.

43: Thou shall complete your turn in under 15 minutes..even if you have strelkovy.

44: Thou shall not use the excuse " I'm only playing for fun" when thou start stretching the rules and thy opponent calls you on it...especially in a tournament.

45: Thou shall bring a hammer to smash the dice if they fail you...to encourage the other dice not to do so.

46: Thou shalt not roll one die at a time when a fistfull will suffice.

47: Thou shalt not run to the "Gamemaster" when thine opponent hath spoken truth.

48: Thou shalt not ask inane questions of thine opponent when thou shouldeth know the answer.

49: Thou shalt not redeploy the teams after thine opponent has set up.

50: Thou shalt not roll saving throws without assigning them to a team.

51: Thou shalt never quit thine tournament after having lost thine first round.

52: Thou shalt not placeth the template so as to clip one more of thine opponent's teams, and then claimeth that it be dead on.

53: Thou shalt not complain about terrain when it is a replication of an actual battlefield.

54: Thou shalt not complain when one's army of eight platoons is systematically taken apart by one Udarny.

55: Thou shalt not absent-mindedly stab your pencil/pen/knife into the terrain on the table!

56: Thou shalt not shout "Daddy needs a new pair of boots" when rolling your dice.

57: Thou shalt not take 30 minutes to decide where to fire your one template of artillery.

58: Thou shalt NOT...EVER...UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES make any sort of sound effects when playing FOW ......NOT EVER.....NOT EVEN ONCE!!!!

59: Thou shalt not leave thine beer bottle upon the gaming table and claim that units behind it are "concealed"

60: Thou shalt carry thy models in an appropriate case. ( it is not acceptable to spend 1/2 an hour and half a bottle of your mate's superglue fixing your stuff because you brought them round in a flippin lunchbox.)

And lastly and probably most true of the whole thread “Thou shalt have fun”.

Thanks to all of you who submitted your suggestions!

John-Paul


Last Updated On Thursday, October 23, 2008